BOTG Exclusive: Interview with Mike Leach

Published January 17, 2009

By GORDON TAYLOR

Greetings from Tortuga Isle, there sure are some big ass turtles here. I’ve tracked down befallen head coach Mike Leach. Unless you’ve been under a rock, or perhaps a gigantic turtle shell, you surely know about Leach, Adam James, and someone’s chubby gal pal. Despite all that has happened I have found Leach and former assistant Ruffin McNeill drinking rum and sword fighting the locals. I was able to trade a barrel of gun powder in exchange for a moment of their time (where they got a cannon I have no idea).

BOTG: Coach Leach what have you been doing since moving on from Texas Tech?

Leach: Moving on. I like that. I wasn’t fired. They couldn’t fire me, because I quit.

BOTG: So you’ve been…

Leach: Oh yes, right matey, I’ve been sailing the ocean blue, partying like it’s 1492.

BOTG: What about you Ruffin? Should you even be here? I mean you still work with Texas Tech

Leach: DON’T YOU SAY THAT NAME AROUND HERE!!!

BOTG: What? Tech?

Leach: YOU WANNA WALK THE PLANK??? (as he unsheathes his sword, I’m not certain it’s even a real sword)

BOTG: Ok, ok. Seriously though, Ruffin, what are you doing here?

McNeill: I’ve been hanging around here with Mike. If you watched the Alamo Bowl you would know how loyal I am to coach Leach, I’d follow him anywhere, including Pirate Island. I took it hard when that school in Lubbock picked Tommy Tuberville over me, it seriously thwarted our plan.

Leach: A truly genius plan mate.

McNeill: When I took over as head coach my first move would be to appoint Leach offensive coordinator. My second move would be to feed Adam James to the sharks. A flawless plan if I do say so myself…

BOTG: What about [Tech Athletic Director] Gerald Myers? I doubt he would sign off on that.

Leach: Audible, second move, feed Gerald to the sharks. Then James…

BOTG: Where are you going to get sharks in Lubbock?

Leach: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH AHOY SHIVER ME TIMBERS SWAB THE DECK WALK THE PLANK WHERES ME PARROT YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM.

BOTG: I want my gunpowder back.

Final Notes: Leach really thinks he's a pirate.