Around the Horn Transcript: Yeah, we got people on the inside

Note: We accidentally received this memo which was meant for the staff of Around the Horn. It seems like a great window into how show content is developed at ESPN.

MLB Around the Horn

It’s baseball season folks, and though we’re only a few days into the season news is percolating around the league. Here are some of the headlines to look forward to in the first of our 24 to 28 part series throughout the season.

National League

Pittsburgh Pirates- Not much brewing for the Pirates this year, Andrew McCutchen will be a bright spot this year.

Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez makes 33 million dollars, The Pittsburgh Pirates make 35. Awesome.

San Francisco Giants- The Giants doled out some serious money for their pitching staff in the offseason.

On another note, it’s going to be hard to slim down third baseman Pablo Sandoval when Tim Lincecum is constantly eating Twinkies and Cool Ranch Doritos on account of the munchies.

Atlanta Braves- This season is manager Bobby Cox’s farewell tour…

Will it be a victory lap? No, but on the bright side we can expect at least 90 ejections this season. What are they going to do? Fire him?

Philadelphia Phillies- The defending NL champs made a big splash acquiring pitcher Roy Halladay.

Has anyone else noticed that he looks EXACTLY like the guy from "The Burbs"?

Colorado Rockies- The Rocks are a trendy pick to make the World Series this season.

This raises a few questions… Who’s their staff ace? Isn’t Todd Helton at least 73 years old? Can anyone tell me why their mascot is a triceratops?

Milwaukee Brewers-

Prince Fielder, still fat.

American League

Texas Rangers- Ron Washington admitted to testing positive for cocaine this spring.

Is this really the guy you want in charge of Josh Hamilton? He reminds me of Dave Chapelle in the Red Ball Commercial.

Chicago White Sox- Pitcher Mark Buehrle made a spectacular defensive play to start the season.

To which manager Ozzie Guillen said, “Dat play? Dat play was a piece of shit. Dis isn’t freaking soccer, Dat play was more queer than [Chicago Tribune writer] Jay Mariotti.”

Tampa Bay Rays- The window for opportunity may be shutting for the Rays with much of their young talent up for grabs at the end of this season.

Manager Joe Maddon (and his uber hip glasses) is not phased, he can be found at local coffee shops poaching free wi-fi and pecking away at his novella.

Seattle Mariners- The Mariners signed pitcher Cliff Lee and surly outfielder/board game creator Milton Bradley in hopes of escaping the cellar.

Will it pan out? Who knows? Bradley (who was happy to escape racism in Chicago) has already been quoted as saying he “refuses to take orders from a Chinaman,” in regards to manager Don Wakamatsu, who is not Chinese.

Cleveland Indians- Pitcher Kerry Wood is starting the season on the disabled list.

Really? What else is new? Is that even newsworthy? That would be like printing “oxygen= important,” “Britney Spears Crazy,” or “Kirstie Alley Hungry” on the front page of the paper. The fact that the Indians are paying Wood 10 million explains the tribe in a nutshell.

Baltimore Orioles-

There is still a team in Baltimore, they have uniforms and everything.