True Sports Warriors: Beach Volleyball

Published March 11, 2010

By BALLER X

Sick of hearing players of mainstream sports bitch about how hard it is making millions of dollars (but keep in mind they only get paid 23 weeks out of the year, and everyone has a hand out boo hoo)? Tired of hearing about how gun culture affects the NFL and NBA? At BOTG we are too. We decided to use our vast resources and give the real warriors of the athletic world some face time. The first in our all access series is a beach volleyball player. This person isn't just a beach volleyballer, he/she is EVERY beach volleyballer...

Editors Note: The following content was not created or fabricated by the BOTG staff, it comes straight from the camel's mouth.

I know what you're thinking duude. How horrible, you get to travel to beaches around the world and play volleyball in bathing suits for a living. Well let me tell you something bro, if you're cool with melanoma, purple lips, and chapped nipples it's a pretty legit lifestyle. Seems like some of you douschenozzles might poke fun at our uniforms. Do you seriously not think wearing caps with the bill flipped up counts as a uniform? Well, I do. It's gnarly.

But let me be honest, no holding back aight? Life is not all fun in games in the world of beach volleyball. First is the sponsors. You think Tiger Woods has it tough with all his endorsements? You think being backed by the likes of Nike, Buick, and Gatorade is demanding? Try having reps from Speedo, Hawaiian Tropic, and Sex Wax. Those dudes don't fuck around, it's serious business. There are literally hundreds of dollars at stake. If I don't perform, what the hell am I supposed to do for hotels? Couchsurfing.com? GTFO with that noise, noobs.

Now looks, I'll admit, it's cool being on the beach for a living. There was a time when hanging out at a beach all the time playing volleyball would get you called a bum no better than the old hippie with the metal detector, but like I said before it's a tough life. For one, the beaches today are terrible. Last month at a tournament in California I stepped on a syringe. I'm probably going to die an AIDS related death now, awesome. Also the attire we have to wear sucks. It's not great for the dudes (aside from the caps with the flipped up bills), and if you're a chick the term "sand in your vagina" takes on a whole new meaning.

The truth of the matter is that we get paid damn good money to do what we do. Last year our team made $18,000 bucks for us to split. Our manager only took 20% off the top of that (which he told us was a steal). That's too much money to pass up, that's money worth contracting AIDS for.

Final Note: Yeah, that just happened.