A Day and night (mostly night) With Matt Leinart

Published January 19, 2010

By GORDON TAYLOR

The real story of the New Orleans Saints’ rout of the Arizona Cardinals was Arizona backup quarterback Matt Leinart. Leinart was dazzling hitting an array of receivers in his only drive which set up a 50 yard field goal attempt which kicker Neil Rackers left short.
Leinart’s first half heroics are made even more amazing by the fact that he was still buzzed from lunch when he came into the game. Leinart allowed BOTG an all access pass to a normal day in his life.

7:00 A.M- Alarm rings, hit the snooze. Had a long night last night, not feeling weights this morning.

7:13 A.M- Alarm rings for third time. “Damn, I will literally beat the shit out of the person who invented the six minute snooze.” Throw alarm clock across the room shattering it. I may not play much, but I still have a cannon.

11:37 A.M- “Sweet Jesus, what happened to my alarm clock?” No shower, no shave, gurgle some mouth wash (swallow, catch a nice buzz, a great way to start the day).

12:17 P.M- Arrive at Cardinals facility, good thing it’s Monday and meetings don’t start until one. I’m early, look out Kurt [Warner].

12:18 P.M- Fuck, it’s Tuesday. We start putting in the game plan at 10. Coach Whiz [Ken Whisenhunt] is not going to be happy. Looks like I’m clipboard boy for another week.

5 P.M- Leave Cardinals training facility. I didn’t do too much; drank my weight in Gatorade, was feeling a little dehydrated from last night. That was a doozy, it was nothing compared to tonight. Tonight’s going to be tiiight.

8:17 P.M- Phone rings, what the hell? It’s Paris Hilton. No seriously, what the hell? Never again, she’s the league mattress. I will not settle for “Brian Urlacher ass.”

8:30 P.M- Just got to dinner with some friends, some sushi joint, Sake, niiiice. Sushi sucks though, Reginald [Saints running back Reggie Bush] turned me onto it. Some lame ass L.A. thing.

8:34 P.M- Since I’m a celebrity I order weird stuff that’s not on the menu, Nogg-a-sakes all around! I’ll take three. I friggin’ love “The Office”, coach Whiz is so Michael Scott.

10:15 P.M- First bar of the night, some joint called Rula Bula. I try to drink within the theme of the bar. Hmmm, Rula Bula, this is a tough one, sounds tropical Mai Tais maybe? Troy Polamalu made the best Mai Tais, that guy was a wild man.

11:58 P.M- Arrive at Monkey Pants. What the hell is the theme of that place? No more tropical drinks though. I couldn’t have possibly looked any gayer sipping on Mai Tais and Sex on the Beaches at Rula Bula, Especially since it was a pub.

1 A.M- Monkey Pants- 99 bananas, I’ve had 14 shots over the last hour. Good God this stuff is amazing, even better I can put it in my muscle milkshakes, beats swallowing mouthwash.

1:50 A.M- Tempe, Arizona officially blows. Bars close at 2 A.M? Weak.

2:03 A.M- Cab home, don’t drink and drive kids. That’s how Leinart rolls. You know what Leinart sounds like? Lion-heart, I need to talk to my agent about that. Matt Lionheart. Insist on telling cabbie about the fact my Wunderlich Test score was higher than Vince Young’s.

2:07 A.M- Cabbie is pissed, yakked in the backseat, whoops, stupid 99 bananas.

2:33 A.M- Get home, tip the cabbie, set cell phone alarm for 8 A.M. Not missing the Tuesday morning walk through.

3:37 A.M- I wonder what Paris Hilton is up to.

9:15 A.M- Arrive at Cardinals facility early for Tuesday practice set for 10 A.M. still drunk, in need of sleep.
9:16 A.M- Fuck, it’s Wednesday, no practice until one, could have slept it off.