NFL Playoffs: Things are about to get hot!

Published January 16th 2010

By CHRIS THORBURN and GORDON TAYLOR

January football is great, it brings to mind the players fighting across the frozen tundra of Lambeau, the trajectory changing gales in the Meadowlands, and the glory of game-winning field goals ripping through a snowstorm in Foxboro. Not, domed stadiums stifling players via raucous screaming and heat.

Three of this weekend's four NFL playoff games will be housed in domes, and the fourth is being played in balmy San Diego. BRRRR! Not once this weekend will we see the players’ breath, snow, or a shot of some fat guy's head emitting steam as Fox cuts to commercial break. In lieu of this, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has mandated all players, coaches, and personnel wear NFL approved parkas, ski caps, gloves, galoshes (and whatever else they're trying to sell) in order for NFL Gear’s winter line get's its proper due.

That's right, you'll see Peyton Manning and Phillip Rivers donning team beanies and coffin coats. Trainers waddling onto the field like the little brother from A Christmas Story to aid fallen players. Don't be surprised if every coach is sporting a team hoodie with cut-off sleeves up to the elbow to channel their inner Belichick.

Well, enough of the good stuff. It's pick time!

Cardinals (10-6) at Saints (13-3) Saturday 4:30 EST

Chris: The House of the Rising Sun vs The people of the Sun. If those two songs had a fight which would win? RAGE. Cardinals all the way baby! The saints downward spiral began in NOLA at the hands of a struggling Cowboys team and they haven't seemed to recover since that loss. I don't think the week off helped them and as much as I love the hometown hero Drew Brees, I'm not sure the rest of this team is ready to step up and game with The People of the Sun.

Gordon: Everyone thinks this is going to be an arena football mash up with 150 points put on the board. Let me say this, I don't like Kurt Warner. I don't like Kurt Warner's Wife. However, behind every successful man is a strong woman and following each loss Warner has come into work the next day with a black eye from falling down the stairs. He has fallen down the stairs a bunch lately... he's so clumsy! So, Warner will win out of fear of his "stairs". Spousal abuse is no laughing matter. Cards run away with this one... from Warner's wife.

Ravens (9-7) at Colts (14-2) Saturday 8:15 EST

Chris: You know how the NCAA forces teams caught cheating to forfeit victories from prior seasons? I feel Roger Goodell should do the opposite and force the Colts to exchange their duo of no-shows for victories. By all means, they are undefeated and the only people who got cheated here were the fans. Even after the shellacking of The Phantom Patriots last week I don't buy the Ravens as being a Super Bowl team so I'm going with The Ponies. It will be closer than Indy would like but that's the price you pay for not playing your starters for a month.

Gordon: Staying on the strong woman topic, wouldn't every college player be a first rounder if Sandra Bullock was their mom? Shoot, she's nominated for two golden globes IN THE SAME CATEGORY. Think about it Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, that's good stock. Couldn't you see Sandra Bullock and Michael Oher taking over the McNabb's stronghold on the Cambell's Thick and Hearty commercials? On the other side is Peyton Manning and his laser-rocket arm. To top it off, he's The Pitch Man. This a battle of two offensive heavyweights, Manning and the two headed Oher/Bullock beast (they're not only physically gifted but sassy too!), unfortunately only one of them gets to hold the ball. I pick Manning and the Colts to slay the two headed beast!

Cowboys (11-5) at Vikings (12-4) Sunday 1:00 EST

Chris: This game will come down to which quarterback is less of a jackass at crucial moments. Don't get me wrong both have been great this season, but I really don't trust Brett Favre when the pressure is on. Perhaps it was the throw he parachuted into the Eagles secondary during the 2004-2005 NFC Championship game, oh did I mention this was in Packers territory in OVERTIME? As much of a legend as he is, I feel he's going to cost his team the game and, as much as I cringe at saying this, the Cowboys will capture their second playoff game during the lives of every 15-year-old worldwide.

Gordon: I see this going one way, Cowboys in overtime. Favre, thinking he's in a Wranglers commercial, offends the karma gods by winning the toss and saying, "We want the ball, and we're going to score." Unfortunately this has been done, and it failed before. (BTW what people don't know is that the last pass thrown in that Wranglers commercial was intercepted for six. True Story)

Jets (9-7) at Chargers (13-3) Sunday 4:40 EST

Chris: This game feels like an NFL version of The Bad News Bears to me. A hapless team has two opponents forfeit (too few players in Indy) the last games of the season to make the playoffs and then goes on an improbable run to beat a pretty sound rival and get a shot at an AFC juggernaut. Couple the star appeal of Mark Sanchez with the return of the prodigal son to California and you have a movie where an alcoholic coach, who hasn't shaved in two weeks, somehow brings his kids together to win in an (yes I'm using the same adjective twice! Improbable is a staple in the sports film genre) improbable fashion. I can see Phillip Rivers and Norv Turner angrily leaving the field as things turn sour while the remaining Chargers and refs chase the foul-mouthed Braylon Edwards around a Japan baseball field. However, this isn't a movie and Walter Matthau is dead so I'm going with Norv Turner and The Lightning Thieves.

Gordon: This is a tale of two quarterbacks. In San Diego we have the surly, sultry, sultan of QB rating in Phillip Rivers. On the other hand we have the dashing, debonair, defense relying quarterback Mark Sanchez. Alliteration aside, this race is too sexy to call. But Chris making me, so I take Rivers because it's been reported, by me, that Sanchez is demanding a trade to Seattle so he can one up Pete Carroll in the "Team Abandonment" at the ESPYs.

Final Note: Barely got this one in!