Urban Meyer to Tim Tebow: I’m Over You

Published January 25, 2010

By: GORDON TAYLOR

Urban Meyer has recently been seen in public, looking alive and well. Meyer gave the Gator faithful a scare following the Sugar Bowl announcing his retirement, reneging, and then requesting an indefinite leave.

A source close to Meyer insists the reason the Gators seemed overwhelmed in the SEC championship against Alabama was because Meyer was grief stricken that Tebow was soon leaving.

“We [the Florida coaching staff] would be studying film and Urban would suddenly put it on pause. I don’t think he was looking at ‘Bama’s defense. I think he was staring longingly into number 15’s eyes,” said a coach who asked not to be revealed when word came out that Meyer was returning. “Urban quit eating, and would just pace around the workout facility mumbling, ‘he’s gone, he’s gone.’”

Then there was the bizarre incident in which Meyer’s wife called 911 (ala Elin Woods), and Meyer was rushed to the hospital (ala Tiger Woods).

“I came home and in all the family portraits, Tim Tebow’s face had replaced mine,” said Meyer’s wife Shelley. “He really hit bottom there, he needed time away.”

Weeks after that bizarre incident, Meyer, who had been too morose to eat, has begun picking up the pieces of his broken heart, started eating again, and has put on 20 pounds. Meyer has also been quoted as saying he is ready to coach spring football for the Gators. The message being:” I’m over your Timothy Tebow. I gave you the best five years of my life, but I’m over you.”

Meyer did reach out to Tebow one last time on the eve of Senior Bowl week, calling Tebow and leaving him a message in which he sang, “beeeee yourseeeelf. Beeeeee yourseeeeeelf,” in regards to Tebow’s upcoming interviews with NFL personnel.

When asked for comment all Tebow could say was, “Creepy.”

Final Note: Where do you play Tebow in the NFL? I feel he would be wasted as a fullback, can't play QB, and am not sure he is big enough to be a tight end. Unless he falls into a team with a prominent Wildcat package, I'm not sure he'll thrive.