Breaking News: Dwight Freeney is a Hall of Famer

Published February 1, 2010

By CHRIS THORBURN

While waiting on results from a second MRI, Indianapolis Colts Defensive End Dwight Freeney received news of a secret placement in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

"I was just sitting on my couch watching Big Bang Theory, I'm usually playing or watching Peyton [Manning] and The Regasaur [Wayne] practice Monday nights so I have to binge watch it on TiVo, when my phone started blowing up," said Freeney.

Freeney's iPhone was lambasted with over 430 text updates from Twitter and Facebook updates congratulating the star on the career achievement award shortly after Bob Pecosi leaked the news during a Sports Center Update on ESPN Radio earlier this morning.

According to Freeney, the only phone calls he received three total phone calls during the entire episode as he scrambled to hit pause on his TiVo and go to wikipedia so that he may verify the veracity of Pecosi's claim.

"Thank the big man upstairs I was able to get an iPad," said Freeney, "Without it I would have had to have gotten off the couch and hobbled around on my bad ankle. You shoulda seen those mothers at Best-Buy the other day, it felt like I was playing against my fellow Hall of Famer Bruce Matthews or something trying to wind in an out of the aisles. I must have thrown six or seven, wait no, at least 12 spin moves to beat them to an iPad. Crazy man..."

Freeney went on to state that the phone calls came from Hall of Fame Chairman Gabriel Thurman, who called to let Freeney know if it was true that he had secretly be introduced into the HOF (the answer was, for some unknown reason, stated as a question when Thurman said, "What is "no" Dwight?), NFL Commissioner Roger Gooddell, who told Freeney that an investigation into this was imminent and, "That if Adam Jones is involved in this in any way you're going down", and Terry Bradshaw who apparently called to see if Freeney had recorded the latest Frank Caliendo Show.

While the announcement appears to be a miscue on Pecosi's behalf(Pecosi admitted to reading an old Sports Illustrated earlier this morning while waiting in a doctors office lauding Freeney's ability and the Colt's defense and became confused), Freeney has not given up hope that he has become the first modern NFL player to become a Hall of Fame member before he has retired.

"Those were the worst [expletive] calls I've seen in a long time ... To have an event of that magnitude taken out of your hands, it's just disgusting. It's not like they made one [expletive] bad call -- it's two calls, in the morning ... They need to start investigating some other [expletive]."