Gilbert Arenas to "regain trust of children"

Published February 4, 2010

By GORDON TAYLOR

Gilbert Arenas, fresh off his plea bargain and suspension is determined to do right by the children of America.

“I intend to regain the trust that children used to have in me,” Arenas said.

When interviewing children about their trust in Arenas, BOTG found that the majority of kids who live outside Washington D.C. have no idea who Arenas is. One kid actually confused Gilbert Arenas with Gilbert Gottfried, the voice of the AFLAC duck.

“I don’t trust that AFLAC duck at all,” the child said. When told that Gilbert Arenas was not the voice of the duck, but a gun toting basketball player the child asked, “don’t all basketball players have guns and come from the hood?”

It turns out the child was the son of former Kansas basketball coach Mark Mangino.

Arenas remains undeterred.

“Agent Zero is a straight shooter,” Arenas said. “Wait, I didn’t shoot anyone, I’m a straight aimer. I’m going to regain the trust of the youth of America through non-violence, which won’t be hard considering I didn’t actually shoot anyone.”

Final Note: Cementing the fact that Gilbert Arenas is from another planet was the quote, "I mean, honestly, if I was going to attack someone it would be with the needler. That shit is annoying and you can't get away from it!" True that.